Practicing meditation; the ground for change.

When I think about meditation, I think about deep experiences of stillness and bliss, I think about clarity, focus and simplicity. I have lots of positive images and emotions that I associate with meditation. I am even teaching meditation in our EnlightenNext centre in Amsterdam on Wednesday nights which I am always enthusiastic about.

But during this retreat I realized that it isn't all these positive associations and all the liberating experiences that are most important about meditation. Past experiences cannot make a person Free. Having deep spiritual experiences, which anyone who meditates deeply enough, can and will have, are important, and give you the confidence that the spiritual dimension is real, but they rarely, if ever, set anyone free...

I saw in myself how I was sitting down in meditation, hoping to have a particular experience of depth and expansion, and if that wouldn't happen, too bad... maybe next time. I realized during this retreat, that there is a radically different way to look at and practice meditation that my spiritual teacher Cohen has always been advocating... I was simply too much of an experience-focused, self-centred individual to appreciate it. (click here for a 14 minute video about this cultural fenomenon)

I found myself, in my desire to become a free, trustworthy man, more interested in the position of meditation, than in the experience of it. What does that mean? The experience of meditation might be peaceful stillness, limitless space, resting in eternity and other happy feelings, (it might also be a very busy mind, no space whatsoever and lots of anxiety). But the position of meditation is that it all does not matter. Not having any relationship to bliss or anxiety, space or no space, leaving it all alone yet not avoiding any of it, being fully awake and at ease in the face of peace or inner war, that is the position of meditation which, by the way, is also the position of Enlightenment.

So all I did, as the ten days went on, was practice that position, which is, as Cohen teaches it, to sit still, pay attention and be at ease. I continuously had to renounce the temptation to do something, change something, manipulate my inner experience or even stop my thoughts. I did this with the most consistency that I could muster up, I realized, before I started this retreat, that my life depended on it. And at some point it became clear to me that I was actually creating my own ground. What I mean by that is that instead of my thoughts and emotions being the ground that I stand on, no-relationship to all that is the ground and this makes space for the Big Mystery that we are all enveloped in all the time, but that we are so often unaware of. By being still, attentive and at ease, I was, very intensively, practicing an enlightened posture for life. And as a result one gets to see Life clearly, in all it's glory, not just the objects like things, people, thoughts and feelings, but more importantly the deep fulfilling mystery that everything emerges out of in every moment and that we can ultimately recognize to be who we really are. A limitless, vibrant, always new field of living, free awareness that has no problem whatsoever and is perfectly full and empty at the same time, not needing anything, ever...  I am not an Enlightened individual, and I probably never will, but practicing the posture of Enlightenment is something I and anybody who wants it, can do!

I feel something is different now; I feel in a way I have never before, that my freedom is in my own hands, that it is not depending on any experience, in the past, the present or the future, it is simply dependent on my own willingness to take that very simple but profound position in every moment with the greatest consistency that I can muster up.

And the point of it is of course; this freedom frees us up to be part of the Cosmic project of moving (our own) consciousness up to a higher level that we are all, consciously or unconsciously, in the middle of and that each of our hearts long for whether we are aware of it or not...

My friend Rob van Viet and I did this retreat together, with some other members of EnlightenNext, we did a conference call to speak about it a couple of days ago, I put this call up as a podcast as it seemed to have such a profound effect on all of us to talk about meditation in this way, please listen by clicking here.